The kid in me........

I feel like a little kid putting up photos of this Akademi Fantasia star, but I am in one of those moods again when I am just feeling like a kid at heart! LOL! *blush*

This is a photo of Ebi, the 1st runner up winner in the latest season of the reality show, Akademi Fantasia, taken from the July issue of InTrend, a magazine I have never bought before until now! LOL! *grin* Doesn't he look a little bit like Hans Isaac, the actor? *wink* Cute! Oopps! Shhh! Don't tell my hubby I said that! LOL! *wink*

Remember I said in one of my earlier entries that being 2nd place is almost like being next to nothing? Well, I had expected that Ebi would appear as the front cover of the latest issue of InTrend when I read somewhere that he had gone for a photo shoot for InTrend. You know, like Mawi, who has been on the front cover of InTrend TWICE already since winning in season 3?

Looks like, again, the irony of being the second best, you don't even deserve a place on the front cover despite being quite good looking. *grin* So far, he has only appeared on the front covers of magazines (URTV and MEDIA), each time only to be paired with Mila, the champion. Better than nothing, huh? *grin*

I think, commercially, they make a good pair, especially in their appearances together in a photo in URTV. A very romantic photo, I must say! *grin* Mila looking very sweet and 'manja manja gitu', him looking very macho.

You mean to say that I actually bought URTV just so that I can see photos of Ebi? LOL! *blush* I think I suddenly take after my mom who buys every mag that has photos of Mawi in it! Err...but I have not gone crazy buying every mag that Ebi's photo appears.......just yet! LOL! That's me being a kid at heart again! LOL! *grin*

Note: the first two photos were taken from the July issue of InTrend, while the last photo was taken from Ebi's official fan club website. Err....no, I am not a member! LOL! Just like to visit the site to see what Ebi is up to these days and see how he is making it into this challenging entertainment industry.

I think Dafi is doing better now that KRU had just signed him up under their label, and Dafi wasn't even a finalist, but, yes, the boy is cahrming, not to mention, cute! LOL! *grin* That boy is lucky! Soon he will be as succesful as Adam of AF2. Can't say I know what will happen to Ebi though.... I hope he will still make it, and remain well known for a long time to come.

Wishlist Exchange (WLE) received

For the recently concluded Wishlist Exchange organised by BJ at NNC, I made my partner, Rhonda, a crocheted doily.

I am glad that she has safely received it a couple of days ago, two weeks after it was sent out. For a while I was afraid that Rhonda might not receive it, knowing the services of Pos Malaysia, since the piece is going all the way to the United States. For sure, I am more confident of the United Parcel service as I am of Pos Malaysia, although I do hope that Pos Malaysia's services will greatly improved soon. I use their services (Pos Malaysia) a lot to send gifts to friends, and there were a couple of times that items sent never arrived, or, I never received items from friends or from shops I order online. *sigh* Up till today, I have yet to receive my WLE from Rhonda. I am hoping that it will arrive soon so that I can heave a sigh of relief soon.

Now that Rhonda has received mine to hers, I am putting photos of the piece I made. Even though I have crocheted doilies before, this is the first time I am crocheting a piece that is of this style where the flower edges are crocheted separately and attached to the main piece. Usually, I would just crochet a piece that just goes round and round for each row. Also, this piece combines a single colour thread for the main piece, and a variegated thread for the outer flower edges. Another first for me too.

I like this piece and almsot did not want to part with it, it being a first for me a piece of this kind! LOL! But, Faizon once said that it is good to give someone a piece of what you love, right, Faizon? *wink*

I hope Rhonda will like it and find a good place to put it or put it to god use. I had enjoyed stitching the piece. Shall I make one for myself too? *wink*

Pieces of art

I said in my last entry that I would put up photos of the lovely Etui I got from Emily and the cute teddy floss winder and sweet thread winders I got from Jess for my birthday, so, here they are!

Aren't the thread winders sweet? And, oh, the teddy is so adorable! I feel like giving him a hug! LOL! Err.....could the teddy be a she? LOL!

This gift from Emily, an etui, is something I have been wanting to make one myself each time any members at NNC put photos of it or made one for themselves. Now that Emily has kindly given me one, especially as a birthday gift, I need not make one! LOL! But, I could also use the etui I got as a sample to try to make one so that, who knows, if I make really nice ones, I could also give them out as gifts! *wink* LOL! Hmm....can I make them to sell too? *wink*

I intend to use the thread winders Jess gave me as a template to maybe make myself some thread winders too!

Thank you so much, Emily and Jess, for the lovely gifts! I really love them! Hugs!

On another note, I have not been updating on my son's progress for his art works for the longest time, so I decided that today, I will do so. So here is a photo of a treasure chest he made about a month ago at his friend's birthday party which was held at Art Attack, One Utama. After it was completed, the chest was filled with chocolates and sweets for the kids to bring back. Isn't that a nice way to have a party?

Boy! Times sure have changed since the time I had my birthday parties at home with just simple games and home cooked meals! LOL! The signs of changing times! *grin*

What a week!

Has it been really that long since I last updated my blog? Wow! I must have been really busy, or, simply not in the mood to do any updating!

The truth is, it's been quite stressful at work, and I have been coming home late to finish loads of work lately, that as soon as dinner is done, and I sit down to watch TV with my hubby to relax, the TV ended up watching me instead! LOL!

This is serious, I think. I have not been able to spend quality time with my son. With my hubby, we catch quick lunches together whenever we can...for now..before he starts working in Shah Alam from next week onwards.

Lately I get home with enough time to get dinner ready, check my son's things for the next day and he is off to bed after dinner. I think we have `neglected' him lately him, in a way, as I think we have not had time to have long heart to heart talks with him. Just two days ago his teacher informed us that he seems to want to follow his friends who loves to run around and create noises (in the library), despite being told by the teacher to keep quiet, especially that he is an assistant monitor and should be setting a good example.

Not trying to blame anyone, but I know my son, and he is actually a very shy boy (like his mommy! *wink*). On his own, he listens to the teachers, but, in a group of boys, he tends to follow his peers. He said that he didn't want to feel left out and he fears being teased by his peers if he didn't follow them.

It's tough bringing up a child. You don't know if what you are doing is right or wrong, to make sure that he grows up to be a good citizen, a good son, a good student, a good husband, a good father, a person who is good all around. You just hope and pray for the best that what you are doing is right.

Yes, mom, I appreciate all that you have done to bring us all up, turning us into succesful human beings, and we love you and dad for it.

Back to what I have been up to, this week I received a couple of birthday surprises in the mail. I received from Mel a lovely oblong pillow in purple and gold and it has joined me in bed. Of course, on my side of the bed, and not on my hubby's side! *wink*

But, this week, the pillow is going to be in the craft room for I want to make sure that the pillow will last a lifetime, and it will only last if I don't rough it up so much! *wink* So, the best place for it to be will have to be in my craft room or the living room. *grin*

The photo is not doing the pillow justice, for this is really a nice pillow! Very sweet!

This week too I received two lovely gifts from Emily and Jess, all the way from Melbourne, Australia. Emily sent me a lovely ETUI, something I have been wanting to do or buy, but, as usual, never got down to it. Jess sent me two very sweet thread winders and white tread wound around an adorable teddy bear thread winder. I wanted to put up photos of these two gifts, but, somehow, forgot to bring them back from the office as I rushed to pick up my travel tickets as I was late in coming back from yet another all day meeting. Hopefully the photos will be up come next weekend. I can't wait to show off the lovely gifts!

Thank you so much Mel, Emily and Jess, for the lovely gifts!

Last week, I went over to BORDERS at Berjaya Time Square and bought myself this lovely Cross Stitch Antique Style Sampler book by Jane Greenoff. I am not much of a Jane Greenoff fan when it comes to her designs, although I love to read her journals, but, this particular book has quite a few designs which I can see myself stitching them up one day, if only I can find the time. *sigh* I especially like the House Sampler, the Alphabet Sampler and the Red Sampler. I also like two of the band samplers featured. Now is only to find the time....

Moving on to report on my LDSAL, I have come to meet up Rose halfway. She started from the top, and I started from the bottom. We have now reached the same spot, although I have yet to finish completely the other rows that I have been working on before this. Rose, however, have completed all her rows before she reached the place where we are now. I am taking this piece on my travels for work with the hope that I can at least put in a few stitches, just so that there is more progress to show.

Just love the colours of this piece. I am liking every stitch I put in and hope that I can finish it soon. I need to. I have other pieces waiting for me to stitch in my long, and never ending list of Want To Do or Must Stitch! LOL!

BTW, I would like to take the opportunity, though a week late, to congratulate our dear Prime Minister, Dato's Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and Datin Seri Jeanne Abdullah, on their recent nuptials. May you both be blessed always and live happily ever after.

To my stitching friends too whose birthdays fall in the same month as I do - Azie, Cheeze, June and Janet, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! May all your good wishes come true! Let's go stash shopping! LOL!

Words of encouragement

I received an sms from a friend, Helmy, this morning, which he sent after reading my last two entries in my blog (Heartsick, 1 June 2007 and It’s all God’s will, 2 June 2007), and I was touched by what he wrote. They were words of encouragement in my time of down, and it makes me feel reassured that I have friends who understands what I am going through, and I am not alone in my journey to understand better the human behavior.

I would like to share what he had ‘said’ to me here at my blog, for I feel that what is good should never be kept to oneself alone.

“In life, Allah doesn’t give you people you want, but instead, He gives you the people you need; to teach you, to hurt you, to love you and to make you exactly the way you should be. As humans, we can only do our best. ‘Kesempurnaan hanya milik Tuhan, tapi bukan alasan untuk kita sambil lewa’. Perfection belongs only to God, but it is not an excuse for us to take things for granted”.

What type of person am I? What type of person will I be? I know that it is never too late to learn. It is also never too late to change, but, can I still make a difference in the world? I will be celebrating my birthday come this 8th of June (oopps! Oh no! LOL! *wink*). Will the year ahead be one that is better than the one before? I certainly hope so. I definitely hope that I would have grown wiser with each passing birthday, and with each challenges that comes my way. I hope to always be able to improve myself to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, and of course, a better boss.

I have taken this most recent experience as a wake up call for me not to be complacent and to not take too many things for granted. It is a time to look back to see where I have failed, and where I can improve. It is a time to reflect back to see where I did wrong, and where I did right, if at all I did anything right. It is a time for soul searching. To find what I want to be, and to be what God wants me to be. I hope it is not yet too late. We were all born into this world for a purpose, and I hope that I will soon know the purpose of my being.

Today too, as if in perfect timing, in the New Sunday Times, appears an article written by Puan Sri Tessie Lim, which I would like to quote a few passages from the article for I feel what she had written, has hit me close to home. She wrote, “Life has dealt me with a fair combination of blessings and blows. I’ve enjoyed the insight of many people, some truly uplifting and inspirational, and yet others who’ve taught me equally well in their own peculiar, perhaps more direct and instructional way. Sometimes the lessons came sharp and quick, other times the realizations crept in quietly”.

She went on to write, “It’s true that we discover ourselves through our relationships. If you think about it, our connection and response to other people is a reflection of who we are. Human beings are always communicating, whether we want to or not. For one, we think in patterns. Unless we put on an act, what we do and what we say reveal what we think. The quality of our relationships and with whom we choose to spend time is a measure of the depth and strength of our personality and character.

Crisis has a way of teaching us things. Only those who feel insecure or do not have a solid sense of self, lack the ego-strength to face and deal with reality. It takes a lot of self-esteem to be humble. Because only by developing a strong enough ego to face reality, and not to personalize and defend oneself against the reactions of others, can we forget our ‘self’ and focus on creating value and contributing to community”.

This passage below comes so close to what I am always feeling –

“Not long ago, I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I believed I was responsible for other people’s health and happiness. I accepted responsibilities for things I could not control. No wonder I was always feeling upset and worn out. Yet there were many other things I could control – my thoughts, my feelings and my behaviour”.

May I be able to move forward in life with confidence that I did what I did to the best of my abilities and knowledge then, and I did it according to the books of the law. I will always thrive to improve myself, and hope that whatever challenges and crisis that comes my way, I will be able to face head-on, and hopefully, like Tessie, they will serve to be a source of power, hope and vision.

I thank God for all that I have been blessed with – a loving family, a great husband, an adorable son, a great job, though demanding and challenging, none the less, it has always been my ambition and my dad’s ambition to be an Architect. I thank God for the roof over my head, for the food on the table and for the clothes on my shoulder. I thank God for all the great friends I have around me, who have always been there for me in my times of ups and downs, to rejoice, to cry, to laugh, to joke, to tell grandmother’s stories, and to share passions for my hobbies and to share feelings, and to argue and agree, no matter on what subjects and topics it may be, even if it is about Akademi Fantasia. *wink*

May this coming birthday make me an even much wiser, confident, stronger and better person. Amin.

It's all God's will.......

I met up with the officer of the Ministry yesterday to see if I could appeal the promotion for my two Technical Assistants. I asked if the ministry would give another due consideration for them to get the promotion considering that they are in the reserved list for promotion and, after all, they are staffs of excellent performers.

They told me that if there is anyone who has already been offered the promotion rejects it, there is a possibility that they might get it. The odds? Pretty slim, but they did say that sometimes it can happen because people from out of state might not want to uproot their family to Kuala Lumpur, and those from Kuala Lumpur might not want to go to the states for the same reason. If many rejects, the chances of at least one of the TA getting a promotion is still there. I have put in my appeal yesterday in writing, and now I can only hope and pray. I hope that at least one of them will get it, but it would be a bonus if both of them gets it. It is all God's will.

Some say that if it is your `rezeki', you will still get it, no matter what the odds are. I believe that if it was meant to be yours, and so it shall be, but, first, you need to accept that there is always a reason for everything. It is a hard fact to swallow, but, in order to move on, you need to accept that things are fated to be the way it is.

With this in mind, I accept that these are challenging times for me as a manager. I am encountering some problems with the Project Manager for one of my projects which I mentioned in my earlier entry. I have 20 odds other projects which needs to be off the ground before the end of the year. I need the cooperation of the staffs to get the job done. Now my staffs have blamed me for their failure to get promoted. The others, in support of their peers, are putting on silent protests, thus slowing their work process. But work has to go on, as I have datelines to meet and projects to deliver.

How do I get my staffs to work? How do I motivate them? They will never understand that it is no easy feat to manage projects, the staffs and the office all at the same time. It is no use trying to explain it to them either because I have tried, and they either don't understand it or refuse to understand.

Everyday I go to work with a 1001 things to resolve. I pray that God will always give me strength to face any challenges that comes my way with confidence. I can only pray.........

Heartsick................

It's a sad week for me this week. I am feeling heartsick, very heartsick.

Early this week there was a promotion excercise for Technical Assistance (TA) Grade J29 to fill up post for Grade J36. It seems that all the other TAs (their close friends of the same ranking and grade) got their promotions except for my two TAs, and they have blamed me for their failure to secure the promotion. There are only 8 permanent TA Grade J36 posts and about another 10 posts on a contract basis for one year, but those who applied for the posts were close to a hundred.

According to them, they failed to secure the positions because their marks were not high enough despite my high recommendations. It seems that the other bosses had given their TAs very high marks (above 95%, some even close to 98%) regardless whatever their performances may be, whether good or bad. I, on the other hand, go by the book and give them marks according to their performances, which is still relatively high (above 95%), since they are two of my very high performing staffs.

However, this year, upon the instruction of the DG's office, we were told to give marks no higher than 93%, with only 10% of the total number of staffs getting marks between 91%-93%, which brings down to only 2 people from my office able to get marks between 91%-93%. I had wanted my Architect and a Draftman who have been performing very well last year to get the High Achievement Awards (Anugerah Khidmat Cemerlang) this year, and thus, I gave those two staffs the high marks, pushing my two TAs to get marks below 91%. Alas only one was given the award as the final prerogative to who shall get the award is left to the Director, as he also has to consider staffs from other units too for the awards. My giving high marks to my Architect and Draftsman costed my TAs their promotion, so it seems, according to them, because their marks were not as high as the other TAs whose bosses just ignored the instructions to give marks no more than 93%.

I am a person who goes by the book. I don't know how not too. My conscience wouldn't be clear if I go against what my boss had instructed me to do. I would have thought that other bosses would have done the same thing too, but, alas, others just ignored the instructions just so that their staff will get their promotion, regardless if they perform well or not. From what I gathered, those who got the promotion weren't even as good as my two TAs combined, but because of their high marks, they were offered the promotion. *sigh* The people handling the promotion did not even bother to steamline the marks based on their actual performances. They just took whatever marks were given in the appraisal report without even looking at the amount of projects each person is doing and the recommendations written by the bosses.

I am feeling very heartsick. My TAs have said that I have failed to do my job as a boss, for I have not been considerate enough to give them high marks. They fail to see my reasons that I was just following instructions. They felt that if other bosses did not follow instructions, why should I be the only one following. They fail to appreciate that before this, in the last 5 years that I have been their boss, I have always given them very high marks. It is just most unfortunate that, because of the intruction from above, and because I am a person who goes by the book, their marks went down. They are very upset with me. They are very mad with me. In fact, they hate me, as they had said that they can't wait for me leave the office to go to my new position next month. To make things worse, they have influenced the other staffs to not work as hard anymore, telling them that it makes no difference to their future. I am very sad......

The office has been quiet the last few days since results of the promotion came out, with most of them putting on a silent protest, refusing to do work, or simply slowing down their work to show their dissatisfaction and in support of their peers. *sigh*

I am feeling heartsick. How can I make them understand management stuffs and decisions and challenges that I have to go through each day to try to manage projects, while trying to manage the staffs and office matters as well. They refuse and probably don't want to understand. All they see if that I have failed them and I have failed as a boss................