She thinks my time spent in the stitching room (although I now spend more time stitching in front of the TV in d company of my hubby and son), in a quiet environment, tends to make me see small problems as huge problems.
She feels that I shud forget about my stitching (give up stitching totally) and spend more time out of the house away frm the maid. That way, I will hv no dealings with d maid whatsoever. Hmm.....I still need to deal with her when I come back on what to prepare 4 dinners, breakfast, give her everyday instructions on everyday chores and things related to my son's well-being etc. You have to remember, my maid is very forgetful.
She feels dat I shud just eat out most days so tht I dn't have to bother abt cooking, and let the maid handle the running of the house (cleaning, washing, ironing, etc.) That way, when she feels that she (the maid) is d 'boss', she will no longer intimidate me (make me 'sakit hati').
Whenever my hubby takes our son out for swimming or just having a boys’ day out, she feels that I should also go out with them. Whenever my hubby goes to d gym, she feels that I shud also follow, instead of spending time at home stitching. I have days out with my son too, without my hubby, and my son enjoys those outings too. They are different from boys’ day out outings. During those times, my hubby prefers to go to the gym or meet up with his friends. Don’t get me wrong, we have family outings too with all 3 of us, sometimes, even including the maid in d outings. We have `me days’, ‘your days’, and ‘our days’. My hubby and I understand the need for time and space alone to do our own things, and individual needs that are different.
The reason why I dn't follow each time my hubby & son goes out is bcoz I hv no trust with this current maid to leave the house in her care (I hv heard and read too many frightening stories), although I hv left her alone for very short periods of time and only once or twice.
With my two previous maids, I take about 1 - 3 months b4 I trust thm enough to leave them at home alone. I still leave them at my MIL's house if we are going outstation for more thn a day, more 4 their safety, and not bcoz I dn't trust them. Once I trust them enough, my hubby, son and I love just going out the 3 of us to watch shows or movies, or just going out about town, just for the sake of taking our son out.
It has been almost 6 months with this current maid, but I still dn't trust her enough to leave her alone coz she has demonstrated many times her untrustworthiness even when M around. She has let in unknown contractor into the house even though I hv many times instructed her not to open d door to strangers. She chats up with the neighbour's maid and gets all secretive when I asked her who she was talking to when I hear voices frm the back. It is as if she is trying to hide something frm me.
My two previous maids make friends/chats up with the neighbour's maid too; I have no problem with that. But whenever I asked them who are they chatting up with, they tell me truthfully. In fact, the previous one b4 this wud actually tell me everything that the neighbour's maid had told her. LOL! No secrets. She has nothing to hide. But this current one gets all defensive. Why? Is she hiding something from me? Am I being paranoid?
Giving up my stitching or any other craft hobby, for that matter, is like taking away part of what makes for who I am - a unique person that never fails to amaze people, even my hubby *wink* In the office I am this strong character, sofisticated lady (I am known for my good dress sense that one office boy actually refers to me as a model. Me? A model? LOL!). When my hubby 1st met me, he thought I was a disco queen and was pleasantly surprised when I dn’t even like going to clubs, but instead can cook great meals! Such a contrast! LOL!
I have a very strong character (tegas), hard headed sometimes, but it is for this character that I am not being easily taken for granted at work and get respect from my colleagues (male and female), and people I deal with in my line of work. If you do not hv a tough character in this line of work, U can be easily manipulated and be taken advantage of. I am a principaled person like my dad.
Even though I am very strong headed at work, but at home, I am just a wife to my hubby and a mother to my son. I am very much a domesticated person, prefering to stay home and cook, taking care of the house, all those domesticated stuff, instead of going to clubs or stalls for 'teh tarik' with friends. Unlike my two sisters who prefer the nite life and entertaining, I'd rather be entertaining my hubby and son! *wink*
My work is stressful. There are days when I dn't see daylight in my house. I leave the house as the flowers bloom in the wee hours of the morning, and dn't get home until the flowers drooped a sad look, late in the nite.
I look forward to coming home, to enjoy my lovely house (reason why the weekends are so precious to us) and to relax with my hubby and son, but bcoz I do not know how to relax totally (I am always up and about doing something, if M not doing my hobbies, I would end up reorganizing my house many times over! LOL!), I need to come home to a hobby that destresses me, while I spend time with my family.
If he does not bring his work home, my hubby loves surfing the internet or watching late nite movies, and I would keep him company as I stitch. Other times, I love just sitting and looking at my son play (sometimes we read a book together too). My son sometimes feels `suffocated’ when all I want to do is hug and kiss him! LOL! Can I help it when I find him so adorable? *wink* After all, I waited 8 long years for his arrival! *grin*
My craft hobbies keep me sane. They are my saviour in times of down. I have many times stitched through my tears, and asked Allah to help me through the tough days. They help ease the hard times, as Allah guides me through the rough tides.
Although my hubby is always there for me when I need him, but it is not always that he understands, for men don't always see things the way a woman sees things. We are from a different planet, are we not? LOL! *wink* what is important to women, might be a flick for the men....
My hobbies keeps me ‘in touch’ with my grandmother, for there are many times that as I sit stitching, I think of her (I miss her so..) and wish that she could see how much her talent has developed in me, apart from the other characters of her that I have inherited. She is a good cook, a fair person, loves to spend time sewing and creating things with her hands like crocheting, patchwork, knitting and many more crafts. She patiently taught me most of my hobbies. Her talents live on in me. How could I stop something inherited from someone so dear to me?
I will go on stitching for as long as my hubby permits me (he has given me his blessings for me to go on stitching), for as long as it does not take me away from spending time with my family, and I will keep on stitching and doing my other craft hobbies for as long as my eyes, and my health in general, will permit me. I hope to still be stitching when I am old and grey as I sit with my hubby and son, at the garden terrace, as we slowly sip tea or coffee with some homemade cakes.
Ma, I hope you will understand why it is not that easy for me to simply give up something I have grown to love almost all my life through the patient teachings of Che’ (my grandma). It is like taking away a part of who I am. I love you…..
Ee Koon wrote: Nik, if your maid is chasing you away from the things you love to do and the home you love... I think you should think about finding a replacement. She's employed to make things easier, not the other way around, and I think you are a good employer and treat her fairly. You have had maids before, and that is proof. Maybe she is just not cut out for this sort of job... thinking about you and hugs. Don't stress so much, la... maybe you can do something about the situation.
My response: Thanks, Ee Koon, for ur kind words and support. It means so much to me to have friends who understand. I am blessed. It is true that we have maids to make things easier for us, and not make life more complicated. It would be so easy if I could just do without a maid, but alas, since I am working, and my hubby and I travel all the time for work, it is almost impossible to be without one. However, we are trying to negotiate with the agent to get a repalcement, but it is taking time bcoz the good ones mostly prefer to work in countries that pays better. We are just left with the `just ok' ones if we are lucky, or a `bad' one if we are not. Hugs, to you too, Ee Koon.