Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Money for LOVE

I am not one to wash dirty laundry in public, but, this is sad, and I need to get it off my chest.

My sister has 5 beautiful children, ranging in age from 5 to 16 years old. She wrote in her blog recently how she misses them so much. She is recently divorced from her hubby, and pending custody hearing. In the mean time, her ex-hubby has come up all with all sorts of `tricks' to get the children to `hate' her, or to get them to choose him over her.

When my sister first got married to him, she was working in KL but would fly back to KB every weekend to be with her hubby, and later with her eldest daughter. She had to work because he didn't. He was just getting money from his uncle who seems to have never ending money. So, I suppose, when your uncle gives you easy money every month, lots of it, why work? But, the money never last. He would spend it on drinking with his friends.

When my sister had her second daughter, she decided to leave her good paying job in KL to go back to her family in KB so that she can spend more time with them. I believe she had also hoped that her hubby would take care of the financial part of the household too. He did, probably, for a while, but my brother-in-law is so easily influenced by friends, that soon, whatever money he has, it would be spent on drinking with friends again, and before you know it, there was nothing left to pay for the household expenses.

My ex-BIL is really a nice guy when he is sober. My mum said that he is an angel when sober, but turns into a devil when he is high and drunk. And when that happens, the children becomes his target of mental abuse, though he has never laid hands on his children.

When the children started school, expenses increased, and with my BIL not holding a permanent job, my sister went back to work, and later set up her own company, but it did not last due to scarse job opportunities in Kota Bharu.

When an oppportunity arised for a high paying job in KL, my sister grabbed it, and for a very long while, was shuttling between 4 days in KL, and 3 days in KB. It must have been very tiring for her, but, for the sake of the children, she had to do it, since her hubby refused to uproot to KL. At that time, my mum moved back to KB, and she took care of the children on the days that my sister was at work in KL.

All this time, my BIL would have odd jobs taking care of his sister's vast properties. My sister did say that my BIL did stop drinking for a while, and things were getting better. But, when his mother passed away suddenly, he was so affected by it, him being the youngest son and closest to her, that he went back to drinking to gain solace, and to forget his unhappiness of losing his mum. Things went downhill after that.

He would be out drinking for most part of the days through the night, and would sleep the rest of the day. My mum would take care of the children, their food, their school needs, etc, though he does pay special attention to his eldest son's needs. He has always wanted a son, so after 2 daughters, the first son was really special.

My mum said that my BIL would come home drunk almost every night, and each time he comes home, he would shout the house down, calling for his children to get up. He wants to talk to the children. He wants to children to hear his stories for the day. It could be 2.00 or 3.00am, and the children has got to get up at 6.00am to go school. Even when my mum and the maid pleads with him to let them sleep in, he would shout at them. Being drunk, he has lost all sense of logic.

He has, on some occassions, taken his sick children to the pubs to see him drink. I can't understand why the pub operator allows kids to be admitted in, knowing very well that they are children below the age of 12. Because they want his money, or rather, his uncle's money? Could it be because he comes from an influential family in Kota Bharu, that they are afraid to apprehend him? Then, that is sad.....

My BIL has always used money to buy love from his children. Since he spent most of his days in pubs drinking, he has no time for them. So, to make up for lost time, he would give his children, even the younger ones, money, lots of them, and he would drop them off at shopping complexes from morning to night, as he goes to the pubs to drink the day away. Because of this, the children 'loves' him.

My eldest niece once said to my mum that she doesn't care if her father cares for her or not, or is there for her or not, for as long as he gives her money to spend, and she can stay out all day and all night, she is OK by that. She has her freedom. She is 16. She is at a very vulnerable age. I am scared for her. I love her, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I don't want anhything bad to happen to any of my nieces and nephews.

Now, my ex-BIL is using money again to buy the children LOVE, and is also using money to battle for the children with my sister. He has told his children that if they want their weekly allowance, they are not to see her anymore. The two older girls, age 14 and 16, are happy with the deal for as long as they can get their weekly allowances. They must be thinking, "What's a mum compared to money, huh? Money can buy me loads of things. Mum will just give hugs and kisses, and be there for me, but I can take care of myself. I am big. I want my freedom"

I think they are too immature to know what is right and what is wrong. *sigh*

The 3rd child, a son, 13 years old, told my sister not to come and see him anymore, because he is just so "fed up" with having to put up with the constant fighting and arguing when my sister comes back and the ex-hubby would make threats to take them away from her. So, he reckons that its better for her not to come home. For as long as my sister doesn't see her children, her ex would be happy to let the children do as they like.

Only her 4th and 5th children are always asking for her to be with them. Yasmin, who is 10 years old, couldn't care less whether she gets money or not. Whatever allowances she gets, she saves it and gives it to my sister. The youngest, Miki, is only 5, and all he wants is his mommy.

My ex-BIL is using the kids as pawns in his battle with my sister for custody of the children. It is sad. Why use the children? Why can't he fight her like a man should? Because he has nothing to prove his worthy of being a good father to the children? So, by having the kids go against my sister, half the battle is won? His family is also very influential in Kota Bahru, and the odds might just swing right in his direction because of this. *sigh*

My sister loves her children very much. I love the children very much, and the thought of not be able to see them ever again is like having a knife pierced right through your heart. I am sad.....

I hope my dear sister would be patient and pray to Allah. I know she has been very patient all this while. She is a strong woman, and have been able to face many challenges that has come her way. God is great, and sooner or later, God will show us that only those who believes in HIS faith and is truthful to HIM will win.

I love you, dear sis.

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